Life as a mom.
Laundry. Facebook. Cooking. Moms night out. Baths. Work. Shopping. Homework. Wiping noses. Night wakings.
Notice anything missing? SEX.
Why isn’t anyone talking about sex? From speaking to many other women I know it can’t be because everyone is just happily screwing their partners 5 times a week and are too busy being satisfied to discuss it. In fact, I think the opposite is true. So many women have switched up the bumping and grinding for the much less fun daily grind of motherhood. Let’s be honest- kids can be a bit of a drain on one’s libido.
I can personally attest to my sex life taking a nose dive when I became a mom. I’ll never forget our 6 week appointment with the midwife when she asked us if we had started having sex again and how it had gone. I stared blankly at her while my husband stared intently at me. “Sex?….ummm, well you know. It’s been…busy. With the baby and the breastfeeding and…well we haven’t tried yet.”
I wish I could say that within weeks I had bounced back to my old hot blooded self.
But, I didn’t. And it came as a shock to both me and my husband. Nobody talked about what sex was like after kids, other than the mention of this big postpartum appointment and the “6 week mark” when apparently we would both be so ready to jump each other’s bones.
Who was I now? Was I still Megan, the same woman who used to be up for sex in public places and cared more about getting off than getting up in the morning? Or was I now destined to be Mommy Megan, whose breasts were simply to be used for nurturing my baby and who wanted to spend any nighttime hours getting in as much sleep as possible?
The answer isn’t so simple. Because when you become a mother, everything changes. Priorities. Lifestyle. Yes, your sex life too.
So, what do we do with this two-way Madonna/Whore complex? Do we see ourselves as two different people: the saucy, sexy carefree old version of ourselves OR the tired, softer, overwhelmed new mom version? As if we can only choose one at a time.
And what do our partners think about this new dynamic? Some are desperate for attention and sex to continue exactly as it was pre-kids and others have a difficult time separating the woman they used to have raunchy Saturday nights with the mother who is now preoccupied with caring for children (and work, and showering, and all those other regular life things!).
Why is it so hard for so many women (and men, too- let’s be fair!) to keep up a healthy sexual relationship after having children? How do you keep it hot when your shirt is covered in snot?
The problem is that nobody is talking about this! Sex is such a huge part of life, especially in our society and pop culture, but when it comes to talking about the normal sex lives of people who are married with kids it’s like radio silence.
So, I’m going there! I want to know the juicy details of what’s going on between the sheets in everyone else’s house and I KNOW you do too. How often are people getting it on? How has their relationship changed since becoming parents? What creative ways are people finding to keep the spark going?
Thanks to a bunch of amazing (anonymous) women who are letting me take a peek into their bedrooms and revealing what their sex lives look like, it’s not going to be a mystery much longer. I can’t wait to find out, and then share it all with you.
So, stay tuned for my series: Moms Who Get It On.
*** If you want to be involved in the project- send me an e-mail, I’d love to hear from you!***
Love this! Looking forward to reading more 🙂
Yeah, so baby #2 was born January 16th and nothing……Not that daddy hasn’t been panting like a dog in heat and pacing around waiting for baby to go to sleep, only to find that as soon as I hit the bed I want sleep and NOTHING else! With baby #1 I guess he thought when the doctor said to wait 6 wks that I’d be rearing to go as soon as the day arrived, but he was sadly mistaken. This time with the adjustment to having a second child, with the first child only just having turned 2 and still waking up at night I don’t see sex as any part of my near future. Like at this point I really don’t even care if I have sex again 😕 So that’s our sex life…..anyone else?!?
Hey Meg, as you know, I am a mom of 3, the youngest is 3 months old. With my first I think it took about 3 months to get back in the sack. I was very into the baby and not feeling into it at all. Oh, by the way…. I DO NOT have sex while pregnant either, so let’s just say my husband was more than anxious to get back in the saddle. With my second (avac) it was even longer as I was terrified that it would hurt since I had basically torn to the worse degree and had other complications. With my last baby, return to csection. I knew that it wouldn’t hurt and my libido came back a little faster than with my first 2. We had sex basically right before my six week appointment. Now, frequency I guess it’s safe to say once every 2 weeks. Let’s face it, I am getting up with a baby, and therefore will sometimes choose sleep 😜
My son is 4 months and we still haven’t had sex even after we got the ok. Still don’t have the urge I want to but I’m so tired at night.
Maybe it’s in my head but after my body went through all of that last thing I want is to get pregnant until I’m back to 100%.
I don’t know how people have more than 1 baby lol
Hi Megan,
I think this is an amazing idea. I have reciently had my 4th baby, he is about a month and a half now. My partner and I dont have anytime alone in this house with now 6 kids. We both have 2 children from a previous relationship, had our first together last year after a miscarriage and then we practically got pregnant right away and just had our 2nd together just over a month ago. We have 6 children full time in our home.
There is a lack of alone time, sleep and intimacy in our lives now. We used to have an active sex life. Everyday, sometimes a few times a day, but having our most recient baby, I look to my right as I sit on the couch at night nursing the baby and he snores loudly as I am in the middle of a conversation.
Our schedules no longer mesh.
I can honestly say I am 6 weeks post partum tomorrow and want to be loved and held, make love. I feel like when it does happen its so fast and not enjoyable on my end because the baby will start crying the moment he touches me or he is more interested on himself getting off. Everything changes when you have a baby. Its like you need to discover your body once again because the nerve ending have shifted. Then there is the fear of getting pregnant again when my body desperately needs a break.
I miss the random public encounters when no ones around and the excitement. There is this carefree sex vixen wanting to unleash on my partner, yet I feel like its forbidden because Im a mother and that would be wrong, when really I am just a human being.
I am very interested in your series and what you and others have to say, more than you no. This needs to be spoken about because I truely believe that after children, when communication is gone and no physical love or attachment… That could be why so many people have a lack of commitment. It happened my first time around, really hoping this time things will be different.
Thanks for your time
Sincerey
Haven Williams