Will my doula and my partner make a good team?
Should I hire a doula if my husband will be at the birth?
Will a doula make my partner feel unimportant?
Why would we even need another person there, what’s the point of that?
The role of the doula in relation to the partner is an important and popular topic. It is very rare that I meet with potential clients without them wondering and asking me, “What can a doula do at a birth that my partner can’t?” or the unspoken question, “Why should we hire a stranger to attend our birth?”
The truth is, there isn’t much that I can do that a partner couldn’t do, either instinctively or by being shown. BUT, there are definitely differences and great benefits to having a doula and a partner at your birth.
1) Your partner knows you better than anyone else that will be there. Perfect! Because that’s something that you’ll need during those tough or magical moments- to look into someone’s familiar eyes and be comforted by the fact that they likely know exactly what you’re thinking without having to even say the words.
As your doula, I don’t know you inside and out. I can’t predict what might make you feel scared or upset and we don’t have a long history. What I do know really well is birth and how that affects a woman. I can be there as the expert on what your body is going through, how you might feel, what might help you cope and I can help you anticipate what might be coming next in the birth process.
2) Your partner has likely never attended a birth. This can make it difficult for them to feel comfortable throughout each stage of labour. Your partner may be feeling just as confused and worried as you are and both of you might have question that neither of you knows that answer to. Luckily, I’ve attended many births and have supported and helped couples through so many different types of birth experiences that I can answer those types of questions and ease those fears. Consider me your birth sherpa.
3) This experience belongs just as much to the partner as it does to the woman giving birth, and so I am there to support them just as much. Partners need food, rest, reassurance, guidance, support, and so much more while they wait for their baby to arrive. It may seem trivial, but don’t discount the importance of having someone there to grab some food or drinks for the cafe, grab something you forgot in your car, or to give the partner a break to grab some fresh air or a nap if the birth has been long. This way nobody ever feels unsupported or unable to relax. Everyone is kept as happy and cared for as possible, and if you don’t want to be alone even for a minute, then I can help.
4) Creating a connection between the woman and her partner in labour is something else I can help with. You might be thinking, “What? An extra person in the room is going to make it MORE intimate?” and I’m here to say wholeheartedly, yes! Birth is very intimate, but it may not feel like it when you have multiple nurses, doctors, residents and students coming in and out of the room. As a doula I can help create an atmosphere that feels comfortable, calm, and gives you and your partner the space to feel relaxed and connected. I can make suggestions to your partner and show them ways to help support you, touch you, or reassure you. Knowing a few simple ways to make you feel good will make your partner feel empowered and confident. Connection is important during labour and birth and a doula helps make it happen.
At the end of the day- I am there to work with your partner. We are the foundation of a great birth support team and we can work together wonderfully to support you while you give birth to your baby.
Want to know more about how I can help you and your partner during your pregnancy, labour and birth? Get in touch with me and we can sit down in person to talk more. I look forward to it!
