There is one thing I know to be true in this life- birth will change you. No matter how it unfolds, no matter if it is fast or slow, joyful or full of grief, the way you expected or not, vaginally or by Cesarean. You will forever be affected and changed by the experience of giving birth. I didn’t always know this, and if you’re reading this and you haven’t given birth yet then you probably don’t either.
The first time I remember really hearing a birth story was when a friend of mine recounted her second child’s birth. This wasn’t the first time someone told me a birth story, but it was the first time I remember really listening. Maybe it was because I was newly pregnant and eager to absorb everything I could. Maybe it was because we were camping and that’s what you do when you’re cut off from technology- you tell stories. She stood as she described so vividly how she breathed and rocked through the contractions and I was captivated. Whatever it was it stuck with me- this experienced had changed her somehow, and in doing so it changed me.
Now, I ask to hear birth stories and when someone tells me about it, I listen. Women are longing to be heard. They want their experience to be validated, they want to describe their journey and feel like someone understands it and can relate or acknowledge what they’ve been through.
Have you ever noticed that women, even those in their 80s or 90s, can still remember almost every detail about their birth story? The nurse’s name who helped them, what they ate after they gave birth, the words the doctor said on his way out of the room. All of these tiny, seemingly insignificant things become pieces of their story. The drive to the hospital, what they wore, the smell of their new baby’s head.
Doulas, and other birth supporters, are always talking about how birth matters. But why, you might ask. What’s so important about the experience of giving birth? It isn’t supposed to be about a healthy baby? Isn’t the whole point of being pregnant to give birth to a baby? It’s only one day after all.
It is one very important day. Giving birth to a healthy baby should be the bare minimum. Shall we aspire to more? Giving birth, and the memories of that day, will affect so much for a new mother. I want your birth to act as a springboard, not a diving board, to parenthood. Your birth will change you in so many ways. This experience will matter to you, and it should. Your story will become part of you and one that you will tell for years to come.
