Once you make the terrifying drive home from the hospital with your new baby, ( “I can’t believe they’re letting us take this baby with us, we have no clue what we’re doing!!”) you’ll start the process of settling into your life as a family with your new addition.
Sounds simple, right? You’ll just plop the baby down into the beautiful moses basket by your bed, fix yourself a little snack, gaze adoringly at your sweet little bundle of joy and life will just cruise merrily along as usual.
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Until, a few days later you notice that the bathroom sink is becoming a little grungy. You haven’t really had time to clean, because you’ve been too busy taking care of yourself, learning to breastfeed and trying to catch up on some sleep.
The week after that your partner wanders into the kitchen and announces his hunger. You glance up from your bowl of cereal and shrug your shoulders.
A month or so after that, everyone having already visited and returned back to their jobs and normal lives, you notice the garbage can overflowing. Hmm, you say to yourself, isn’t that THEIR job?
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What exactly happens to the division of labour around the house after a new baby arrives?
This is a pretty hot topic among the new families I know and work with. Depending on your beliefs surrounding “men’s work” and “women’s work”, or if that even applies in your home, the line surrounding chores can get pretty blurry after a baby arrives.
Some families refer to a typically female chore as “pink” and a typically male chore as “blue”. At our house, mostly because of our personalities and skills sets but also because our schedules enable both my husband and I to spend equal time at home, we share the blue jobs and pink jobs equally. My husband will do groceries and make supper and I will change lightbulbs and install shelves. And vice versa. In fact, we don’t assign gender roles to specific tasks, though many people do.
What if you don’t agree on how things should work once the baby arrives?
What if one partner is expected to continue doing all of their usual work, plus take care of the new baby, and hey, while you’re at home all day you might as well do a bit extra, right?
Maybe one partner is coming home from work, expecting a tidy house and a hot meal and instead finds nothing to eat and the dishes still in the sink because the baby cried all day?
While I can’t solve this for you, or even give you a clever checklist or cute way to divide the work, I can give you a bit of advice:
Think about who will handle what, when your lives are tossed into a new “normal”, in advance! Sit down and talk about this NOW. Expectations are everything when it comes to dealing with a new situation.
Make adjustments to your housekeeping. This might mean hiring a cleaning lady, or just lowering your standards. Ask for help. If you’re having trouble getting anything done, including feeding yourself or getting some rest, think about hiring a postpartum doula.
Check in with each other- often.
Ask how your partner is feeling about their day to day lives. Often both partners are feeling totally overwhelmed with their workload and feeling like the other has it “easier”. Let me tell you, life with a new baby is almost never easy. It’s a 24/7 demanding lifestyle and it can take its toll on everyone. Make sure everyone gets some time to put their feet up and not worry about anyone else, but also make sure everyone is doing their part around the house. No matter what colour their jobs might be.
Do you have PINK and BLUE jobs at your house? Even if you don’t, have you thought about how having a baby might affect how the housework is divided?
