Can we all just admit that having a new baby is hard?
If there is one thing that all new parents have in common, it’s that having a new baby is one of the most challenging things that they’ve ever done. So, stop feeling like you’re alone in this. You’re not!
Feeling unprepared for parenthood, or even mislead by friends and family to think that it would be so perfect and easy is a sentiment I’ve been hearing from so many of you lately.
Let me just be clear- I have been yelling from the rooftops about how stressful and crazy parenting can be, so don’t blame me! Just kidding. You’re sleep deprived and irritated. You can blame whoever you want. (Plus, I know better than to mess with an exhausted new parent.)
But, here’s the problem. So many other parents aren’t talking about this. The Realities of Parenthood. Why didn’t your friends with kids tell you about how nuts their lives are behind the scenes of Instagram? Even your own sister might have duped you into thinking that her life with kids was all baking and park dates and looked like a JCrew ad.
They all lied to you about how having a new baby would be, didn’t they? And now you’re thinking, they basically tricked you into joining their crappy club.
You get about 4 hours of broken sleep every night and spend countless hours feeding and bouncing this little bundle of “joy”. You might even…shhhh…resent this new baby…just a little?
Haha! We knew it. But you didn’t listen to us. Cause, surprise! We did tell you. Every time someone said to you, “just wait until…” when you were pregnant and you thought, ugh-be quiet! Everything is going to be amazing with my baby. I’ve bought all the right nursery items, I’ve picked out the best bassinet, stroller and breast pump and I am going to sit around and watch my baby sleep while I make all those meals I’ve been bookmarking for the last few months before I got off work. We’re not saying “we told you so!” because that would be so annoying, wouldn’t it? We just might have had a tiny bit of insight as to what things are like.
Now you’re not showered, the baby hasn’t even slept in the nursery yet, you haven’t made anything more exciting than toast to eat and you’re wondering where you’ve gone wrong.
You haven’t. This is what having a new baby is like. It’s a new, around the clock, high stress job. It’s the biggest promotion of your life. It’s almost never easy (and if it is maybe you’re forgetting to do something?….just kidding, again!)
So, what are you supposed to do now? My advice?
- Deep breath. Cliche I know, but that’s where we start.
- Next, priorities. What do you really need to be doing right now? Forget all the extra “shoulds” and focus on your needs and the baby’s needs. Remember that you both matter.
- Call a postpartum doula to help you out. If you don’t know what that is, in a nutshell: A Motherhood Assistant. A postpartum doula comes over and takes the stuff you don’t want or need to handle off your hands. She helps you with the baby so you can take a shower or a nap. She makes you something to eat. You can “clock out” for a while if you need to and just have some “me time”. Recharge your batteries while she helps you catch up on the stuff you haven’t had a chance to do.
- Allow yourself some space to vent and complain. Let it all out. Bitch, moan, whine. And then, let it go. Because it’s hard. I hear you. I know how hard it can be. But, you’re doing it and even if you don’t believe me, you’re doing an amazing job.
From one parent to another, I raise my glass to you. Having a new baby is hard, but you can do this.
