Attachment Parenting. I’d never heard this term before I became a parent until hanging at a friend’s place with their 3 kids. Our friend joked, after his wife finished nursing their almost 2 year old in a ring sling at the dining room table, that at their place they “practiced detachment parenting- you know, cause who wants their kids actually around them, right?” It was only when they explained the joke that I was able to laugh, but even then I didn’t “really” get it.
Attachment parenting is a term that was coined by Dr. William Sears based on ideas like the continuum concept and other philosophies relating to the attachment of mother and baby and instinctive parenting by responding to your child’s needs by attuning to them.
I thought it sounded like a pretty obvious way for someone to parent. Definitely a big step from my grandparent’s generation, where they had been told to not pick up their baby in order to teach independence and to only feed their baby 6 times a day on a strict schedule put in place by their pediatrician.
But, as I’ve learned through my years of parenting and supporting many different types of families through their parenting journeys- it’s never that simple. Nothing is black and white, especially when it comes to raising kids.
In some circles it seems attachment parenting has gotten a bad reputation. At a postpartum visit with a new family I helped them figure out the stretchy baby carrier that had been eluding them all week. Mom and baby were happily and comfortably settled in together. She proudly walked around the house, in awe of all the eating and reading and living she was going to be able to do with her baby sleeping comfortably against her body. We went into the living room to show her parents and they loved it too! Babywearing success!
Then her mother said, ” So is that the attachment parenting thing?”
Both parents instantly said “Oh no! No. We’re not doing that. This is just a baby carrier, that’s all.”
These new parents were over the moon with their baby being snuggled up close to them as much as possible. This is one of the principles of attachment parenting. Did they want to call it that? Hell no. That would be weird, right!?
I smiled to myself as I left. Whatever you want to call it: attachment parenting, detachment parenting, scheduled parenting, no-name parenting- just do what makes sense to you! Who needs labels when what you’re doing is exactly what feels like the right choice for your family?
