Flexibility. It’s something I’ve physically never gotten very good at. As a kid, I would make my neighborhood friends put on gymnastics performances as part of the shows I would direct from the basement at our house. I never got a hang of the splits and as an adult I have to go to quite a few yoga classes before I can comfortably start touching my toes without bending my knees.
Philosophically, I am much better at being flexible. It certainly comes in handy being a mother. Forget planning and counting on anything- when you have children the most you can do is hope and pray that the day somewhat follows the plans you had. If it does- WINNING. If not, there’s always tomorrow.
Remaining flexible and being able to go with the flow of what life brings is a survival tool I’ve learned as a parent and most definitely as a doula. Living life with my phone never leaving my side and being ready with a Plan A, B and C whenever I may need to join a client in labour is exciting- but stressful. Letting go of concrete plans and being loose and in the moment helps me stay relaxed.
“Going with the flow” is a term that my clients, and many pregnant women, talk about a lot. Sometimes I’ll ask someone what they have in mind for their upcoming birth. Is there anything they’ve envisioned for their birth experience? About half the time I hear, “Well, I’d really like as natural a birth as possible, but I think I’ll just go with the flow.”
Is this what going with the flow looks like? If so, SIGN ME UP!
I usually just let that sit for a moment or two. Sometimes it’s coming up in the conversation after much has already been discussed and I know that for this client, remaining flexible and not getting into too much detail is how they live their life, and is a process that truly works for them. Other times, I can sense that the “going with the flow” is another way of saying, “I want something specific, but I’m not telling anyone about it because if it doesn’t work out, I don’t want anyone judging me.” Which is completely fine too- but I’ll always dig a bit deeper.
I’ll be honest. I hate the expression. I “get it” but I’m never quite sure what someone means when they say it. What exactly is “the flow”? What happens if “the flow” starts flowing in a direction that you’re not actually okay with? Will you be okay with it because it’s still “the flow”? What if suddenly you’re faced with a decision that you need to make? Does “the flow” help you figure out how to make an informed choice? If you happen to have a long labour at what point does “the flow” pack up and go home?
I truly feel there is a difference between informing yourself, finding out your options, seeing what’s possible and then letting the chips fall where they may depending on how your birth unfolds OR burying your head in the sand with a muffled “I’m going to just go with the flow. Anytime I read about labour and birth I get too overwhelmed!”
There is something to be said for great prenatal education, hearing other people’s positive birth stories, and drafting a flexible birth plan. Nobody will hold you to the decisions you made when you were 6 months pregnant and nowhere near giving birth. You WILL get to go with the flow at your birth- no matter what! But it’s nice to know what that flow can be, where it can lead, and what choices “the flow” might be waiting for you to make.
How about you? Did you go with the flow? Did it lead you where you wanted to go?
