You’ve finally just given birth to your baby, after what possibly seems like hours of labour and pushing. You lay there, admiring your new little baby and staring in shock and awe at what you just brought into the world. You stare at the soft, fuzzy head and touch the tiny little fingers and toes.
Suddenly you remember- I just gave birth! … wait- did I tear??!?
It seems to be the million dollar question after giving birth (and preventing a tear seems to be really important beforehand) and one that we are so worried to hear the answer to. But, tearing (or in some cases being cut by the doctor, which is called episiotomy) doesn’t have to be the end of the world. You will be alright. You will walk, laugh, sneeze, and have sex again. Trust me.
The key to healing from a tear or cut after birth is all in how you take care of yourself after birth. Postpartum healing relies on great self-care, and understanding and remembering to listen to your body’s cues.
There are different levels of perineal trauma. From 1st degree, which is really more of a superficial tear like a paper cut, through to 4th degree which is a complete tear from vagina to anus and involves serious repairs, tearing can be healed repaired and heal normally in almost all cases.
A doctor will suture the tears or cut if necessary. The stitches will dissolve and come out on their own, so your job is to basically keep the perineum in good shape so healing can happen.
Even as a doula, who knows about birth and is trained in birth support, I tore both times I gave birth. I know how terrible it can feel to know that you need stitches in this most tenderest of places, but I also lived to tell the tale (heck, I even had a second child!) and I know it’s possible to fully recover, easily and quickly.
Here are my tips on how to heal from tearing during birth.
Tip #1- Take it easy! I’ve spoken about the Supermom factor before and now is not the time to prove how amazing and productive you can be. Go slowly. Take Advil or Tylenol as needed. Avoid long walks, even avoiding stairs if you have a 3rd or 4th degree tear. Your body will tell you when it has had too much, and this will be evident by increased bleeding, feeling swollen or tender or even by an infection. After I had bad 3rd degree tears with my first I waited a week before going for a walk outside my house. Even then, I only went 2 blocks and turned back. I managed to heal quite quickly and relatively painlessly.
Tip #2- Find a way to comfortably sit or nurse without putting too much pressure on the sore area. I often laid down to nurse or I sat on a soft chair, but never too upright. A client I recently worked with set up a soft bottomed camping chair in her living room to recover from a difficult birth- simply genius. You can even use a donut pillow and take it with out wherever you go. (But remember rule #1- just stay at home for a while!) Cold or warm compresses can also help, depending on your preference.
Tip #3- Clean the area and keep it as dry as possible. I used a sitz bath spray by Motherlove after my births and it was amazing. I would very carefully wipe then spritz with the spray. Some people use the spray or a homemade concoction to pour onto pads and freeze them. Others use sitz baths or just pour epsom salts into a shallow tub of water a few times a day. The point is, make sure you stay clean and adding healing herbs or balms can help.
Tip #4- It might be best to put off sex for a while longer. I know, I know. You’re raring to use those 15 minutes of spare time you get at 11pm while the baby sleeps to FINALLY get it on- but I’m telling you, wait a couple more weeks and you’ll thank me later. When you do decide to take the plunge and have your first sex after baby experience, go slowly, use lots of lube and if it hurts, just stop and try again another night. Consider it foreplay.
Bottom line- you may tear and if you do, just know that your life is not ruined. Your vagina is not disfigured forever. Remember to take care of yourself and you will feel normal again one day. In the rare case that you don’t and you know something is wrong- PLEASE see your doctor. There’s no reason to live in pain or discomfort and there is usually a reason or a solution.
Do you have any useful tips to add or experiences to share? I’d love to hear from you! If you’ve found this blog helpful and want to hear more, join my newsletter list! Simply follow the link on the sidebar for Tips for Your Best Birth and you’ll be connected to a community of like-minded parents and parents-to-be.
